• 

  “And you’re co-terming? Eeeexcellent! We wants it, my precioussss.”

  company representatives walking around in the crowd, whispering, “CS… we want you…” looking for CS majors like drug dealers while panting in their pantsuits.

• free T-shirts everywhere you go. You can fill an entire wardrobe just at the Career Fair.
• lots of startups whose names abused the English language that couldn’t explain what they did
• massive line for Microsoft
• free wine-tasting trips to Napa as the top freebie
• General Motors handing out Detroit chocolate to convince you Detroit is a nice place
• Palantir’s orange earbuds
• Wait, there’s a CS career fair tomorrow? So what was today?
• Business casual is masochistic.
• SpaceX was the most popular table. Don’t understand why? Sheesh, it’s not like it’s rocket science.
• McKinsey had a table despite having resume drop before the career fair.
• Seniors suffered peer pressure to go to the fair. EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, MAN.
• Nobody knows what consulting is.
• Applications to Stanford grad schools sharply increasing.
• Abundant coughing after FMOTQ.

MOVE IT OR LOSE IT!

I’ve found myself grunting this phrase far too often during these first two weeks of school, and I know why.

Frosh. On. Bikes.

When you live on the Upper Row, Manz or out in the boondocks and leave yourself five minutes to bike to class, the last thing you want is a run in with an inexperienced bicyclist trying to text and bike for the first time. This can get real messy, real fast.

Navigating the intense bikeways at Stanford requires a certain level of expertise only acquired after a solid quarter of commuting. To help facilitate this learning process and alleviate collective road-rage, I’ve compiled the following tips to help all you froshies survive the rest of your Stanford career (relatively) unscathed.

1) Ride on the Right: If you travel on wheels, keep to the right. There is a divider line for a reason, and it should not be crossed. Also, keep to the RIGHT of bollards (the metal/wooden poles that stick out of the ground and prevent cars from getting through). But if you walk around campus, keep on the LEFT so you can easily dodge traffic and nobody has to swerve around you. Also, GO AROUND TRAFFIC CIRCLES COUNTER CLOCKWISE. The extra .5 seconds that it takes you to go around the proper way will save everyone a lot of frustration and potential injury.

2) Signal for Safety: As nerdy as they may seem, using bike signals is an excellent way to avoid rider catastrophe. Signal your turns by lifting your hand on the side to which you are turning. Add some John Travolta swag to feel extra cool.

3) Ring that Thing: Use your bike bell! It just isn’t that rude. When you’re entering a major bikeway from a blind corner, give a quick ding-a-ling. Ring that thing when foreign tourists walk in rows of 5 on the wrong side of the bikeway and you can’t slow down any more or you’ll fall off.

4) All Hands on Deck: Multitasking on a bike is a high level skill that should only be exercised by true biking savants. I’ve seen it all: biking while texting, reading the Daily, fixing makeup with a compact, eating cereal, even brushing one’s teeth. But these are ADVANCED techniques that should not be tested by amateurs. Practice your multitasking and hands free biking on your own time and not while biking around the Quad during rush hour when I’m hurrying to lunch.

5) SWERVE, Don’t Slow: The easiest way to spot frosh bikers is to watch them deal with collision. New riders, when confronted with an oncoming accident, slow down instead of swerving or just stopping. This simply delays the imminent crash instead of avoiding it. DO NOT SLOW DOWN. It makes no sense. On that note, the Marguerite WILL NOT HIT YOU. If she comes up behind you in front of the Quad, keep doing your thang. Don’t swerve and mess with oncoming traffic.

6) Practice Makes Perfect: Biking around Stanford takes a lot of getting used to, and it definitely gets easier over time. If you’re a new biker who still gets the jitters when you’re about bike through bollards or by tablers in White Plaza, get some practice! Bike around the Wilbur parking lot or practice your daily routes over the weekend. Avoid dense traffic locations such as the Circle of Death, Engineering Quad, White Plaza and Arrillaga Dining during popular passing times around 9:50 AM, 10:50 AM , 12:00 PM and 1:05 PM.

You stay safe, Stanford.

RedZone demonstration of the loud, proud first-down cheer.

Daniel Kozlowski is Vice Chairman of the Stanford Axe Committee, the student group responsible for the protection of Stanford’s most prized possession “The Stanford Axe.”

Welcome, freshmen. I hope you have enjoyed your first three weeks here at Stanford. I remember this being an exciting time for me two years ago. I was in a new, interesting, exciting, and fun place with some of the most articulate, intelligent, and friendly 18-22 year olds in the world (pat on back). I had just turned in my first PSET and finally had a vague understanding of where my classes were. It was also around this time that Stanford Stadium hosted its first football home game when school was in session. It was a big game…not THE BIG GAME (that came later in the year, in which we clobbered that other school across the Bay 48-14 and got back the Axe).

Our beloved Cardinal were playing the University of Spoiled Children Southern California Trojans. Stanford hadn’t beaten the Trojans in Stanford Stadium since 2000, a full decade prior; needless to say, the excitement was palpable. A back-and-forth game between the two teams featured some heavy hitting (by a quarterback-turned-linebacker) and its fair share of drama. The game came down to Stanford kicker Nate Whitaker, who earlier in the game had missed a PAT that stood as the lone difference in a 35-34 game. Turning from goat to hero, Whitaker split the uprights and gave Stanford the win it had been waiting ten years for. Fans, many of them students, came rushing onto the field as the Cardinal celebrated its victory.

Side Note: Since then, we have extended our win streak against USC to four (the longest ever) and won eleven regular-season games in back-to-back years (before 2010, we had never won more than nine games in a season), leading to two BCS Bowl appearances (2011 Orange Bowl, 2012 Fiesta Bowl). Stanford has become a football powerhouse.

That game was Stanford’s closest (and most exciting) of the 2010 season, made all the more special because of the support of the RED ZONE (the student section), which can actually affect the outcome of games: loud crowds cause opponents to incur False Start and Delay of Game penalties; they also throw off the opponent’s rhythm and give the defense a tactical advantage. Our alumni, awesome as they are, are not the best at being loud; sometimes, they need a push. The RED ZONE gives them that push. Here are some DOs and DON’Ts for the student section that will help our team win on Saturdays:

DO

• Come to all the home games and the Big Game (which is at Cal’s newly-renovated-but-still-crappy Memorial Stadium this year). This week we have a home game against Arizona (Kickoff at 12PM on Saturday).
• Attend the viewing parties on the Row and show that we support our team even when they aren’t playing at home.
• Wear Cardinal Red (or some color in the red family) on game day.
• Yell/cheer/make noise (bang on the seat backs, shake maracas, perform light construction work with a jackhammer, etc.) while we are on DEFENSE, especially on 3^rd and 4^th downs.
• Be respectful of the opposing team’s fans. Stanford is a world-class institution and you, as students of the University, should represent it with pride and class. Continue reading “Freshmen, Welco…”»

A recent report by the University’s Department of Public Safety tells two stories, one of progress and another of lingering concerns.

On one hand, Stanford’s cops have made major gains in reducing crime across a swath of categories, including burglaries, liquor law arrests, and drug violations. On the other, 12 students suffered forcible sexual assaults last year, and bike theft remains a major problem on campus.

Bike theft remains a major problem on campus. Column 1 refers to year, column 2 to student residences, column 3 to on-campus, column 4 to non-campus, and column 6 to total thefts. According to the footnote, statistics on bike theft are being voluntarily tracked by Stanford University as of 2009.

Always an option if you are really running late to class.

In fairness, bike theft is extremely difficult to prevent, given the size of our campus and the number of places where such incidents could occur. However, these numbers are completely unacceptable. With all of the resources at this university’s disposal, no Stanford student should have to fear for their safety or for the theft of often-expensive property.

In addition, the Office of Alcohol Policy and Education (OAPE) saw 72 students last year, 59 of whom were underage. The most common referral to OAPE is for intoxication. These incidents are disciplinary actions, and there was a slight uptick from 52 students in 2010 and 61 in 2009. Data on DUIs were not available in the report.

Another interesting tidbit in the report revealed the causes of fires in the past three years. These included a water heater fire, a trash fire, a box of T-shirts left on the stove (Storey), and burning books and paper (FloMo). I’m guessing the frequent popcorn-induced fire alarms were not included in the report; otherwise, they would require their own special section.

Finally, the report provided some useful information that I had never encountered before:

• Apparently, there is a Freshman Emergency Ride Home Program that, according to the report, “provides taxi service back to campus for freshmen who are caught without a ride or are in an emergency situation (within eight miles of campus). Freshmen must pre-register at: https://transportation.stanford.edu/erh, using Yellow Cab of Palo Alto, account # 300-350. For more information, call (650) 321-1234 or (888) 512-1234.” Freshmen get up to four free rides…probably beats waiting for 5-Sure.
• 

  Those Cal fans can get a bit rowdy….

  The Department for Public Safety teaches a 1-unit Community Police Academy class in winter quarter (LAWGEN 209Q) that, among other things, includes pursuit practice in the driving simulators at The Police Academy in San Jose.

• Public Safety offers free threat or vulnerability assessments of any building, lab, or facility on campus. The assessment entails a walk-through of the building by their personnel with the building or facility manager. For anyone worried about fire hazards, these are your people to call.

Criticisms aside, Public Safety has unquestionably been working hard. Last year, their Records Division took 185 police reports, assisted 9,281 people over the phone, and helped more than 3,354 walk-in customers. A renewed focus on bike theft and forcible sexual assault would go a long way to ensuring that this campus is as safe as it can be.

Awesome photo credit: Bridget Vuong, B.S. ’12, M.S. ’13

Upon graduation, one of my favorite members of the class of 2011 stated, “we may leave this place, but this place will never leave us.”

As a senior, I’m in the sunset year of my undergraduate experience, and profound observations like this imbue me with a sense of premature nostalgia. While I’m blessed to have two more years here on the Farm (thank you, coterm), I can’t help but gaze a little more solemnly at sunset-splashed Hoover Tower as I bike home from class, and yell a little too enthusiastically at football games. Our time here is fleeting and, as our breathtakingly fast quarter system constantly reminds us, it is too easy to get caught in the ride and miss the scenery.

As a tour guide, I’m fortunate to serve as one of the main ambassadors to alumni when they return, a little grayer and a little more well-loved, to their alma mater. The exclamations vary (“I can’t find anything - what are all these buildings?” ”Is that a bear on top of the Claw?”), but one sentence and sentiment permeates each conversation I have with them.

“You are so lucky to be here.”

“Yes, definitely!” I reply. But the answer is never sufficient; saying it once is never enough. The 80-year-old gentleman looks me dead in the eyes: “you are so lucky to be here.” And as our eyes meet I realize it has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with the love he holds for this school, this history, the friends made and experiences had, the freedom, the spirit, the limitless passion that is this place. ”This,” he is really saying, “is my home. May it define you as it has defined me.”

Arrillaga Alumni Center - residence for all classes preceding 2011

This Homecoming weekend, Stanford comes back alive with the memories of decades past. Quad arcades ring with the cacophony of reverberated laughter as the conversations and company echo an earlier time.

Though I don’t know them, and they were never my classmates, it feels like a great big family.

I like to believe that there’s a reason football tailgates are fraught with happy Stanford offspring munchkins. There’s a reason the Alumni Center never uses the phrase “Welcome Back,” but rather “Welcome Home.” Stanford students never truly leave; they simply take progressively longer vacations.

I’m grateful for the constant presence of Stanford alums in the Stanford community today. From services like Stanford Alumni Mentoring to the vast influx of alum recruiters during events like yesterday’s Career Fair to the massive student send-off parties throughout the nation, it’s amazing how people who have never met you are rooting for you. Fellow students, that is an awesome phenomenon. Make sure to foster that relationship, keep it strong, and someday, let’s make sure to return the favor.

To the Stanford alumni completing the pilgrimage this weekend: thank you, and welcome home.

Welcome, Class of 2016! As a Frosh enthusiast, I’m incredibly excited that I was on campus for NSO all 4 years of my Stanford career. You’ve all worked incredibly hard, seen amazing things and made it after 4 years of jockeying for place at this institution.

We know exactly how hard you worked, thanks to Confessions from Stanford. We got a play by play. That’s not a bad thing in itself. Despite some of the Stanford Community’s criticism of the blog, we still love frosh. But I’m not here to talk about that blog. I think Lilliana did a great job writing about the subject.

This is basically how I feel about the arrival of the Class of 2016.
(Image Source: Sports Illustrated)

As an old senior, I wanted to impart other wisdom on you. The first thing is, now that you’ve leaped over obstacles to get here, please just sit back and relax on the windy river that is a Stanford undergraduate experience. College here is both an intellectual and social wonderland that you have to explore to enjoy. Starting from day one, you will be meeting people that will change your whole outlook on life. Take things minute by minute, day by day, and really stop to pause and smile at how beautiful everything is around. As blasé as I am nowadays, I still pause in my tracks sometime and grin at how many colors there are in the mural in front of Memorial Church or how incredibly comfortable it is to lie down on the grass..anywhere really and take a nap. So, appreciate things around you. Appreciate the people around you. Applying to college may have been a marathon, but slow down and stroll. You deserve a break.
Continue reading “Dear Freshmen…”»

The dynamic duo ushered in a new era of Stanford Football. (Source: Getty Images.)

How quick is Stanford to forget its heroes? Well, if football signs and Facebook victory statuses are any indication, about 9 months. That’s how long it’s been since the last time Andrew Luck took the field for the Cardinal at the 2012 Fiesta Bowl, straight off of his second straight selection as runner-up for the Heisman Trophy.

What am I talking about? In case you didn’t watch last night’s Stanford Football upset over USC on TV (dude, you missed out) or aren’t quite so Facebookily active as I, I’m referencing the signs, statuses, and news articles claiming that “Luck had nothing to do with it.”

Nope, luck - in the sense of good fortune - had nothing to do with it. Stanford Football has got what it takes to remain in the top ten, even after the honeymoon of our transformation from a ho-hum team in 2006 to a stellar one last year with the NFL #1 draft pick. But to say that Andrew Luck had nothing to do with Stanford’s current status as a football powerhouse does a disservice to his devotion to the Cardinal and is just plain inaccurate.

Luck and Sherman celebrate a resounding victory over Wake Forest in 2010.

Stanford Football stands upon the shoulders of giants. Jim Harbaugh ushered in a new era of Stanford football success, bringing pride, organization, and sweet black jerseys to the little Farm that could. GoStanford.com puts it best: “the Stanford football program hardly resembles the one Harbaugh inherited following a 1-11 season [in 2006].” Harbaugh’s coaching style was complimented by the ascendance of the young Andrew Luck, who “emerged as one of the best young signal callers in the nation… under Harbaugh’s tutelage.”

Ladies and gentlemen, we’re talking Andrew Luck who swatted off defenders like so many flies. Andrew Luck who threw 50 yard touchdown passes. Andrew Luck who creamed the Trojan recipient of a loose ball on a Stanford fumble. (Seriously, that clip never gets old.)

Add to that the tank-like plowing power of running back Toby Gerhart (’10). Add a hearty dollop of pure Cardinal pride (“whooooooose house??”) from now Seattle Seahawks starting cornerback Richard Sherman (’10). Mix in the double threat (and luscious locks) of FB/LB Owen Marecic (’11). Season that with the sweat, blood and tears of hundreds of other Stanford players, and now you’ve got yourself a program.

What I’m getting at is this: fantastic recruiting classes like ours don’t go to historically mediocre schools: they go to schools with an established, well-oiled program. Stanford’s football dynasty has been carefully cultivated since 2006 by the likes of Harbaugh, Luck, and Gerhart, and it’s thanks to the heroes of yesterday that we’re reveling in the victories of today. I’m proud and a half of Josh Nunes and the rest of the 2012 team for their upset over USC last night, and I don’t mean to steal any of their thunder. But there’s enough glory to go around.

Celebrate today’s victories with a respectful eye to the past: you can never have too much Luck.

Summer is coming to a close once again, and fall is making a comeback… and it’s bringing more than earthy tones and a new set of trends with it. It’s also the host of a new batch of freshmen, the Class of 2016.

Although not yet on campus, Sixteen has already managed to become a topic of conversation and a subject of memes in the Stanford community. “Why?” you may ask. Well, it goes without saying that this class is bringing in world-class minds and athletes alike… but doesn’t every class? A freshman class filled with awesome people that you can’t help but talk about is the usual at Stanford. We know current students love nothing more than a surge of ohmigod-I-can’t-believe-I’m-here freshmen, right? I mean, aren’t we cute? (maybe don’t answer that…)

So, in addition to the usual, super-legitimate reasons, Sixteen has managed to build a reputation through its online presence… gotta love the digital age! Between the Confessions from Stanford ordeal and the level of activity on The Official Stanford Class of 2016 Facebook group, Sixteen has gotten people talking… but it’s more than just the class itself that’s caused a stir, it’s also the changes coming in with us. For example, our Three Books aren’t books. We have a documentary, an app suite, and one book… which is about a metalhead growing up in rural South Dakota. Without three books, is it still true to the Three Books program? People have a whole scope of opinions about that, as you can see by perusing this article from The Daily: “Choice for Three Books Disappointing”.

For those of you who haven’t had the opportunity to hear/talk about these things, I’ll give you a quick summary. Confessions from Stanford is a blog started by Amelia Brooks ’16. She started off using the blog to write about her journey, as an applicant, to Stanford and to give advice to prospective applicants. Then, seeking a variety of voices, she turned to her fellow Sixteen-ers and asked others to post as well, and post they did. The larger Stanford community caught wind of the blog, and before you could say “we love freshmen” there were words like “presumptuous” and “ridiculous” being thrown around. People were aghast that rising freshmen would have the gall to write about Stanford before they even got there, as expressed by StanfordGirlProblems.

This is what the blog looks like, although I wasn't able to capture the disclaimer in this picture.

A lot of the ill-feelings that sprung up are undoubtedly related to the blog’s title. The “from” implies that it is coming from Stanford, which it wasn’t because the bloggers were obviously not yet at The Farm. You can’t help but wonder if this is an arbitrary matter being blown up out of proportion… I mean one has to concede that “Confessions from Stanford” is a lot catchier than “Confessions from Where I Live Which Will Eventually Be Stanford.” However, examination of the blog shows that it has a disclaimer, which shows that things have obviously been carefully thought out. Was this questionable choice on the name just a poor oversight? Will things be different once the bloggers are on campus? We’ll have to wait and find out.

However, in the spirit of objectivity, there are some points that need to be made. First, the blog was not giving any kind of advice about being at Stanford, it talked about getting there and aimed to convey the experience of making the transition to life as a Stanford student. Second, although some find it presumptuous that the authors wrote about admissions, it is worth remembering that as undergrads, we’re all only admitted once. Whether it happened two or ten years ago, it is a singular experience that remains unchanged as time passes, as does one’s level of knowledge about what really happens in the admissions office and about why some admissions angel chose them… but I’ll let you form your own opinions. Yes, some of the posts can come off as a tad presumptuous, so get the info you need to shape your opinions by checking out the Confessions from Stanford blog and enjoy this bit of info straight from the source: The Daily will be interviewing Confessions from Stanford founder Amelia Brooks herself.

As for the Class of 2016 Facebook group, all you really need to know is that it’s always buzzing with activity. In fact, the Word Association thread boasts nearly 23,000 comments.

(I apologize that it's in Spanish)

This may seem obscene to you, but Sixteen can’t help it, we’re pumped for Stanford and can’t wait ‘til NSO! We’re “NSo excited!”

***Check back soon for an account of what it was like being a freshman at this year’s NSO!

"The time has come," the walrus said.

We live in a dynamic time. Neil Armstrong is gone, but the Mars Curiosity roves on. Yahoo’s Marissa Meyer (Stanford ’97, ’99) is the youngest CEO in the Fortune 500 and its record 20th female. In November, most of us will vote in our first presidential election.

So, too, it is a dynamic time for those seniors returning to Stanford this year.

I just returned from six months abroad in Germany, and I’m currently in an awkward phase of readjustment. Why are dollar bills all the same size? Why are strangers being friendly to me? Where is the recycling? A transition so major after such a long time away can be difficult to digest… not least because the German diet consists primarily of meat and potatoes. But I digress.

With a couple of weeks before my senior year at Stanford, I’m also readjusting to the bizarre reality that Stanford Round 4 is right around the corner. As the inevitable bucket lists will undoubtedly show, I’m far from done here, with several more turns of the Circle of Death before I’ll kick off my flip flops and leave the Bubble. What will it mean to say goodbye?

Let’s start at the very beginning….

BREAKING NEWS: Stanford Hospital develops new technique for additive appendage growth.

Perhaps a good place to start is with my expectations coming in to Stanford. I love talking to new frosh about their majors, because all of them are going to double major in CS and IR with a minor in modern languages while keeping the door open for med school. You go, kids. I giggle now, but frankly I wasn’t so different. If the Kristi of 2009 had gotten her way, I’d be majoring in MatSci, sailing varsity, playing for Calypso, singing for Testimony, and dancing with Swingtime. I would also, apparently, never sleep.

As it turns out, I am doing none of those things. Yet I am blissfully happy with exactly where my Stanford experience has taken me. The beauty of Stanford is how it opens you up to new goals and dreams you never imagined possible. Even as an upperclassman you can suddenly find interests where you least expect them. As a Stanford friend of mine wrote, “Two of my absolute favorite things to do now? …I only really picked them up sophomore / junior year!” It’s never too late to find and follow your passions.

I’m keeping my mind open, my schedule free, and my rally gear on hand. And until I walk wackily into the “real world,” I intend to approach Stanford like every day is the day I got in. Continue reading “‘Til the …”»

Since I’m working abroad this summer, it’s always nice to get updates from the Farm. However, I couldn’t help but facepalm upon opening up Gmail this evening to find not one, but FOUR emails from the Stanford Police regarding an escaped prisoner. Sigh. Now, I could take a jab or make a joke here, but I’d prefer to take it as an opening for some long-needed dialogue.

Stanford students, by and large, do not take the Stanford Police seriously, and this perception reduces the safety of Stanford students.

The Stereotype

It’s pretty easy to understand why Stanford students are disillusioned. Stanford is lucky to have a very low crime rate, so university-wide alerts are rare. What this means for our police is that every alert is read with scrutiny. Thus, when 3 of only a handful of alerts per year warn us about “hot prowls” and Indian men smelling of apples, there’s ample cause for skepticism.

It also troubles me personally that I get duplicates of every notification. This suggests a lack of robustness in their alert system, which makes me feel like I’m getting the message intended for some hapless student stranded in the physics basement. From a nerd’s standpoint, it’s also upsetting that whoever is coding AlertSU is probably using an inferior Container class when really they should have used a Set to avoid duplication… but I digress.

The fact of the matter is that, from an absolute standpoint, the Stanford Police actually keeps us very safe. After all, the greatest danger to a Stanford student is, unfortunately, the Stanford student.

Saving Us from Ourselves

If you're dressed like this, you've probably exited the realm of making good choices.

The main reason it bugs me when people don’t respect the Stanford Police is that they then extend this to everything the police stand for. Bike lights. Stopping at stop signs. Responsible drinking. I know I probably sound like a nag here, but I’ve had too many friends come home bleeding after dark from some failed combination of the three.

I’m also frankly pleased with the strong presence of the police at busy on-campus events like Exotic Erotic. While I hope that my friends and I will never need their help, it’s always comforting knowing that those students who do push their limits will have trained professionals taking care of them right away. So if treating those saviors for sloshed students with respect is gonna cost me the few seconds of stopping at a stop sign, so be it.

I want Stanford students to have greater cause for confidence in our police, because I think that once we believe in their authority, we’ll also have greater cause to watch out for one another.

Constructive Steps

Rebel wannabes: slow your roll.

If it is, indeed, a numbers game, then the Stanford police should notify students of all their successes to balance out their foibles. But everyone knows that the moment you become that spammer guy on the dorm chatlist, nobody takes you seriously again. (Seriously, dude, stop trying to sell me your psych books.) So that’s out.

However, one thing that could really help would be to start from the bottom up with education on what our police actually does. New Student Orientation has plenty of time for in-dorm instruction, and considering recent dorms’ great success in promoting safety among their residents (I’m looking at you, Larkin ’11-’12), I think a fifteen minute spiel on What the Stanford Police Do For You could do wonders.

We, the students, also aren’t exempt from some scrutiny. To those of you who don’t use bike lights: um, seriously? They cost max $10, and they’re free at NSO. Man up. Additionally, unless you are James Dean or Steve McQueen, I think you can afford to take a few seconds to pause at a stop sign.

Big Picture

Hot prowls and all, the police are there to help you. So the next time you see a Stanford officer, treat the situation with respect.

Unless he smells like apples. In which case, RUN.

Like the Lebron of old, Christopher Nolan choked this summer. Here, Bane does some choking of his own.

With The Dark Knight having been as awesome as it was, I went into The Dark Knight Rises with very high expectations. The former had managed to find the fine line between drama and comic book movie (a line which I didn’t know existed, mind you) and one could only imagine that Christopher Nolan would create something even more magical, having found this cinematic sweet spot. Unfortunately, Nolan, being aware of how great The Dark Knight was, decided to make its successor essentially a clone of itself on steroids, weakly building on its strengths while exaggerating its weaknesses. TDKR tried to capture the subtle brilliance of TDK’s lengthy dialogues, the eerie believability of its action scenes, and the sensitivity of its more delicate moments, yet managed to be somewhat cheesy in its rendition of all three. It felt somewhat synthetic, as if the strengths of a great movie were being bulked up for a box office-smashing sequel. It’s sort of like the Mitt Romney of this summer’s movies; from afar, it seems to walk the walk but is much more staged and awkward at closer examination.

Don’t get me wrong – this was still close to as good as a comic book movie can get. The sheer awesomeness of the first two in this series makes us forget that we are still dealing a film in the same franchise as Jonah Hex, Green Lantern, and a few other disasters. Having not seen the first two Batman films, I would maybe even have clapped at the end of this movie as 200 people at the premier I went to felt compelled to do. However, knowing the ability Christopher Nolan possesses to create a film which is both visually and intellectually thrilling for the entirety of its runtime, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed overall and even slightly cheated at times. Please excuse a quick caps lock moment – ****SPOILER ALERT**** - alright, presuming I’ve scared away those who haven’t seen it yet, let me more specifically discuss what I mean:

Simply put, the movie was too long. Action movies need not (should not?) be 2 hours 45 minutes. I don’t think the adrenal gland – action movies’ best friend – is designed to keep grooving for that long. It felt as if Christopher Nolan had set a hard goal on this number, because I feel a lot of the movies’ problems could have been solved by cutting down some of the more mundane parts. There were dialogues and sequences in the middle of the movie that felt excessive and superfluous, and plot twists which featured the unfortunate double-whammy of being both difficult to follow and difficult to stay awake for.

I wanted to appreciate the heartfelt monologues doled out by Alfred numerous times in the movie, but found my more perverse Batman-fan side yearning to see stuff get blown up. I wanted to understand what the deal with the prison-well thing was, but couldn’t figure out for the life of me why every single person wasn’t escaping from the prison if you just needed to jump. (You’d think they’d be doing squats in their free time) I tried to calculate how long it would take the Federal government to do something about Bane in the absence of any law and order in Gotham, and decided it would have been much shorter than the months it seemed that a crew of rebels and deadbeats had the city on lockdown. I even wanted to believe that Bruce Wayne appearing at the very end after seemingly sacrificing himself, the ultimate okey-doke in feel-good action movies, wasn’t just Christopher Nolan securing future revenue streams with a disappointing and sickeningly predictable plot twist.

Instead of shooting each other with their assault rifles, the Good Guys and Bad Guys ran at each other all Lord-of-the-Rings-like. Bizarre.

Even the allusions to the struggle of the rich vs. poor felt half-hearted. While Catwoman’s various comments throughout the movie are clearly a parallel to the Occupy Wall Street movement, I’d prefer it was either discussed in more detail or not mentioned altogether rather than such a nuanced and controversial topic be glanced over as carelessly as it was.

Again, all of these are examples of things The Dark Knight did well. TDK managed to combine well-written and well-executed dialogues, a plodding narrative which took the perfect amount of time to develop, bits of social commentary that felt honest and genuine, and non-stop action which made the hair on your neck stand up, due to both how breathtaking it was and how real it seemed. The newest version tried to one-up itself on all of those measures, leaving much to be desired and a sense of Christopher Nolan having missed his chance to think outside the box.

In fairness Catwoman was cool, but ends up playing an awkward part-time role in the film, sort of like a summer intern at a big company. It’s a shame, because I would have really liked to see her and Bruce Wayne/Batman get weird. Just saying.

A couple days ago, I decided to break the time-honored tradition of napping until 9pm and actually spent my afternoon outside. I walked to The Claw and sat. Just sat and observed. And I sat on that stone bench for almost three hours, as sunlight, water mist, and teenage pheromones bathed my skin. Here are a few observations I made during that time:

10. There are a lot of BMX riders on campus

Things needed to do this: 1. helmet 2. shin guards 3. severe disregard for gravity

Does Stanford attract more thrill-seeking cyclists during the summer, or are they more visible because there are fewer people on campus? I saw a least 4 different BMXers pass through my perch outside the bookstore. Gnarly.

9. People run

This is nothing new; Stanford students can jog year-round, thanks to almost-perpetual sunshine and ample trails. But I’m not just talking about the running club (which I was inadvertently part of, as they apparently meet near where I was sitting), but random people. In jeans. One was running to the post office, ostensibly to mail a package before it closed. Another because-I’m not sure. It looked like he suddenly realized he could get places in less time by simply moving his legs faster. If time is money, and running saves time, then these people were coupons still ridiculous-looking.

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(An American of Turkish heritage in Turkey)

By: Peri Unver

*These observations are not generalizations but merely my own personal ones that I have made this summer.

1. You take your life into your hands whenever you’re in a car as drivers think the middle of the
road is the way to go. Also, it’s not a complete day until you’ve been honked at least forty times.

2. You are greeted first by a hello, how are you, kiss on both cheeks, and a comment on how much
weight you’ve gained.

3. You can fist-pump to the break-up songs. At first, it’s hard to tell that the song is telling someone off and it’s unsettling to then hear “Shake your booty on the floor now” (inevitably in the remix).

4. People on the street are gladly willing to help direct you someplace or help you get out of a
sticky parking situation. However, smiling (especially in the grocery store) is seen as a sign of weakness.

5. The food is mouth-watering good everywhere and hole-in-the-wall, home-food places are best
(as in New York). Places to eat are so clean that even in the food court in the mall there are fresh, open salad bars and buffets.

6. The color of the ocean simply cannot be replicated and it is easy to see why the name is
turquoise, or “Turkish blue.” It is easy to scoff (especially when you’re from California) at those with surf boards asthere are no waves in Turkey.

7. The understanding of making a line at a bank or another established location is a circle.

8. The price of everything, from clothing to food, is negotiable.

9. It is a prerequisite that you must be able to sing and dance in order to become a Turkish
citizen. You must also know the lyrics to Turkish songs as questions about that are always asked on game shows.

10. In almost anyTurkish home you enter someone will be able to read your fortune from Turkish
coffee grinds (“fal”).

11. The concept of personal space is a foreign one in Turkey. Wherever you are, someone might be virtually sitting in your lap and not even notice it.

12. When you are going to watch a show at night settle in because you’ll be there for the long
haul, at least three to four hours. When asked if the show is still on the answer will always be yes. (It’s no wonder when on the Turkish version of Wheel of Fortune one of the slots is “tell a secret” and song and dance breaks are taken frequently.) Also, during commercial breaks, you can indeed make a sandwich, take a shower, visit a neighbor, and still be in time for the next portion of the show.

13. The relatively new law (2005) requiring accessibility for people with disabilities unfortunately falls short, as I personally witnessed this summer as I used a wheelchair. Almost everywhere is not
accessible and the ramps are of varying widths and scarily, angles. (Places from the movie theater and even an orthopedist’s office have a hill of steps and no lifts, ramps, or even handrails.)

Even with all of its quirks, it is a beautiful country to visit with much history, nice people, and amazing food. So hos geldiniz (welcome) to Turkiye!